Since I lost the thread of what I thought today’s entry was going to be, I’m going to improve my time with composition on the Book of Lividicus. A sneak preview of the sort of nonsense that will grow to unsupportable weight.
(A quick note; some may find the persistent masculine pronoun questionable. I’m aware it’s a problem, but it helps with the King James air).
1:1 — And then did the Platonic Ideal of Fountain Pen speak unto the pen-user from out of the air, and give out instruction.
1:2 — Attend me, that your writing shall be clear unto others and enjoyable unto yourself, and that your fountain pen which is an aspect of Me shall last until the end of thine days.
1:3 — For he who does not attend, yet persist in the use of the fountain pen, shall find misery attend him and his money flying from him in repair bills and new pen purchases.
1:4 — And that inattentive man may yet turn from the true pen and wallow in the desperation of the ballpoint, which is an abomination before Me.
2:1 — Thou shalt grasp thine pen carefully when it is to be opened, and consider well the surrounding.
2:2 — And thou shalt not open thine pen in the presence of rambunctious children, who heed not what precious things they might cast down.
2:3 — And thou shalt not open it either in an aircraft still ascending to cruising altitude, nor in an unpressurized cabin, lest you are besquirted.
2:4 — And thou shalt use two hands in the opening, one upon the cap and one upon the barrel, for in this way shall you preserve thine pen from tumbles.
2:5 — And thou shalt always consider first whether the cap doth slide from the pen or whether it doth unscrew, for to mistake the latter for the former is a great error.
2:6 — And when the cap is from the pen, thou shall not neglect it nor suffer it to be taken to some other place, for a pen which is not whole is an abomination before Me.
3:1 — Thou shalt fill thine pen only of the ink that is known to be correct for fountain pens.
3:2 — Those inks made by major pen manufacturers are most safe, for they are mindful of their warranties and avoid weird crap which may damage thine pen.
3:3 — And so shalt thou think carefully about inks made by others, and moreso shalt thou ponder the wisdom of highly saturated inks, which may delight the eye in use yet clog thine pen’s channels most horribly.
3:4 — And thou shalt not be misled by art inks which say upon their label “For Fountain Pens” for they misuse the words and seek to lead you astray; their names are Windor & Newton, Higgins, and Legion.
3:5 — And thou shalt not use Calligraphy Inks, for they are unwholesome.
3:6 — And thou shalt not use Drawing Inks, for they are unwholesome.
3:7 — And thou shalt not use India Inks, for they are unwholesome.
3:8 — And thou shalt not use Stamp Pad Inks, for they are unwholesome.
3:9 — And thou shalt not use Alcohol Inks, for they are unwholesome.
…and so on. This could take a while to finish.